Regrets Don't Make a Future
by Morgana5
Summary: *written BEFORE OotP* (I've got some different opinions about Cho now). Cho's made some mistakes. Not that anyone would ever guess; everyone sees her as 'perfect'. But perfection has a price to pay, and Cho's wishing she'd never paid it. One-shot. R/R!


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the place. Ya.  
  
A/N: I'm putting it @ the end.  
  
  
  
I honestly thought that maybe, just maybe, someone would listen. Obviously, I was wrong. That's why I'm writing this. I've got to talk to someone, and since no one wants to hear it, I drafted you, my dear piece of paper, to listen.  
  
To start, let me tell you that at first, it was wonderful. It was a dream, like living on a cloud. But, like a walking on a cloud, with love you've got to step carefully, or you fall through and land hard on the ground. Which is exactly what happened to me.  
  
Cedric was the dream boy of all the girls in my year, and probably all the other years too, though that's beside the point. Tall, handsome, good grades, nice, Quidditch star, and then Triwizard Champion. I mean, come on, what else could you want in a guy? I suppose Harry Potter had a few things on Cedric, but, to be honest, Harry was younger and just all-around less desirable to me.  
  
Anyway, back to the story. When Cedric asked me to the Yule Ball, I barely knew him at all. Oh, I had exchanged greetings with him in the hall, and of course I knew about all his accomplishments. But beyond that, the only connection I had with him was my own fantasies. That didn't hold me back, though; I said yes right away, if only to be the envy of all my friends.  
  
You see, that's the way I was. Nothing but the best for Cho Chang. I worked myself to the bone to get the grades I got. I trained incessantly for Quidditch, tried in vain to best Harry Potter, failed, and kept on training. But all that was small stuff compared with my friendship trials.  
  
The first time I ever walked into Hogwarts, I saw right away that you needed friends to be happy. You needed a group of people that you could depend on. But I wasn't accustomed to depending on someone else; I didn't like the feeling of needing someone. So, I decided to become the girl that everyone admired, and wanted to be friends with.  
  
It was hard, and it took awhile, but eventually I managed to accumulate a large group of friends to follow me around like an amoeba. It's not like they ever really knew me; no one did. If I ever exposed my real self, I thought that I would be vulnerable. Someone could use their knowledge of me to hurt me, and that was a risk I wasn't willing to take. No, instead, every morning when I woke up, I put on a mask. It was a happy, smiling, confident mask that concealed the confused, alone girl underneath. I never once took it off, either.  
  
So, when Cedric asked me to the ball, I knew that saying yes would put me much farther along on the road towards my goal. Who wouldn't want to be the friend of Cedric Diggory's girlfriend? Only a fool.  
  
I can say, at least, that I did like Cedric well enough once I got to know him. I've got that much in my favor, at least. Of course, his personality didn't really match mine, but what did that matter? My own personal happiness was really toward the bottom of my priority list. As long as my reputation was upheld, I didn't care how I felt. I never really let myself feel anything, so it didn't matter if someone hurt me.  
  
I can also credit myself with the fact that I was a good actress. It takes some skill to fake love, adoration, and fear. But I pulled it off, rather spectacularly, I might add. I did so well with my role that I became the most important thing to Cedric, as proved by the Second Task.  
  
I suppose I felt a little guilty at leading Cedric on so much. I let him become far too attached to me, when I wasn't at all interested in him. No, the only person I was ever interested in was myself. But Harry Potter changed all that.  
  
No matter how self-absorbed you are, you can't miss the look a lovesick boy gives you. Maybe he thought he was hiding his feelings well, but to me it was obvious how Harry felt. I knew that he grew angry every time he saw me with Cedric. It was obvious embarrassing to him when I turned down his invitation to the Yule Ball. But it would do nothing for me or my reputation to become Harry Potter's girlfriend. So, I did my best to ignore Harry. And for a while, I succeeded.  
  
But even I, the master of disguising my feelings, couldn't stop myself from falling in love. I knew that Cedric wasn't the right one for me, I had always known that. I suppose that for a while, I was leading myself on, along with the rest of the student population. But I knew, when I felt guilty for turning Harry down, that I couldn't hide it from myself. I was in love.  
  
Once I had admitted it to myself, I did nothing with the knowledge. I still cared too much for myself. I was selfish, I know that now, but at the time, I didn't care. I only knew that Harry's concern for me was touching, and his love even more so. He felt something that Cedric never did. I don't know what it was, but it was more appealing than anything and everything that Cedric had to offer. I tried my best to stop myself from falling for Harry Potter, but I was soon as hopeless as Ginny Weasley.  
  
Still, I persisted in faking my entire life. And then came the night of the Third Task, and Cedric's death. It all happened so quickly that I lost control of myself for a few minutes. When I heard the cries of "Dead!" I thought that they meant Harry. And I cried, cried for him, myself, and the chance I never gave him. And then I heard Cedric's name, and felt relieved.  
  
Luckily, everyone thought my tears were for Cedric. I never told anyone, and no one ever suspected the truth. Not even Harry. I guess that's what hurt me most of all. The look on Harry's face at the leaving feast.  
  
Dumbledore made a rather nice speech for Cedric, but I wasn't really listening. I was watching Harry. He looked so defeated. It was obvious that he thought I had been deeply in love with Cedric, and was mourning him. He seemed to think that he would never be able to live up to Cedric. Like, if I ever went out with him, he'd only be a second best. And even I knew that Harry Potter would never settle for second best.  
  
But what killed me was that Harry seemed to accept that. He seemed to be letting me go, because he thought he would never had a chance. I can't blame him for that, because I never let him think otherwise. I kept that mask on, and now I regret it. But regrets don't make a future, and I knew that my chances with Harry were over, and he knew it to. He had enough self- control not to cry; I didn't. I sobbed silently, and everyone thought I was crying for Cedric. And I kept that mask on and let them go one thinking it. And I kept all my sorrow inside.  
  
I wish I could go back and do it all over, but like I said, regrets don't make a future. If there's one thing I've learned at Hogwarts, that's it.  
  
  
  
A/N: So, what did you think? You can review and tell me! *hint hint* ya, so I really need reviews. Also, read my other stuff, (Confessions of a Perfect Prefect, Dreaming, Watch Him Fly, Merry Christmas Harry Potter, and Tom Riddle's Diary). So, review and I hope you liked it! 


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